I know its been months since I last wrote in here. I keep coming back to write... and thinking of lots of things I want to write and then I get here and my mind is a blank. I just cant seem to get it together enough to be comprehensible.
I am now 15, nearly 16 weeks pregnant with our rainbow. So it's coming up to *that* time when I lost Emily and I'm finding it a daily struggle. Infact I have found most of this pregnancy a daily struggle, I live in fear of something going wrong. What I dont know, just something... anything.
After losing Emily I surronded myself with others in similar situations... all suffering a loss. And I am so thankful for each and everyone one of those women who reached out and took my hand and helped me along the way but sometimes I find myself thinking that I maybe did the wrong thing, because now all I think about is loss and I'm so aware of the many different ways people have lost their angels. Its so cruel.
I dont know. There I go again, rambling, not making any sense to me let alone anyone else. Just thought I should give a little update incase anyone does read this as I still have it linked in my signature on BnB.
Maybe one day I will get it together enough to come back and update properly. Until then life is just passing me by in a blur as I try hard not to acknowledge too much the baby growing inside me incase it is all snatched away again.
