Its been 11 weeks I should be stronger. I should be able to do this. But I dont think I can. I just had to call in as a formality to log my return to work and it was one of my colleagues I got on the phone - he said 'Oh are you feeling fighting fit now' and I felt like sobbing right there and then - no I'm not fighting fit I want to spend another 11 weeks curled under the duvet
But I cant. My pay stops on wednesday and I cant afford to live with no pay. Then one of the managers just called me to tell me the new carpark rules as I wont be able to park there tomorrow because I dont have a new pass - well she said 'it will be good to have you back, we're all excited to see you' which should be good right? but its not. I dont want people to look at me - I cant stand that look of pity in their eyes.
I cant do this. I cant breathe. I cant stop crying. But I have to. I have to get a grip. Just breathe. Just do this.
I'm sure after tomorrow it will be easier. I just have to get this out of the way.
How was your day? It will get easier-- the awkwardness will fade, but it still hurts now for me, even after being back almost 3 months. (I went back at about 9 weeks).
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